I grew up in Iran in a very strict and conservative family. I was the oldest of four, the only girl with three younger brothers. I never felt I was important growing up. I never felt I was beautiful or smart. Looking at my siblings, cousins, and other family members, I felt different. I was short while everyone else was tall and attractive. I had the perception of being not good enough. Not attractive enough.
Feeling alone and isolated, I focused on reading and learning at school.
I Wanted More
I wanted to be someone important, to be a doctor or a teacher. Growing up with low self-esteem, I constantly doubted myself and my ability to create what I wanted. I felt unworthy of having more in life.
Every time I expressed my thoughts and feelings, I was told there were people suffering in other parts of the world. I was told I had to keep quiet and be grateful for what I had.
This belief made me doubt myself even more. The feelings of shame and guilt took place within me every time this statement was brought to my attention. I began thinking that I needed to change. I needed to be happy no matter what. I scolded myself over and over again for feeling that way or even thinking of wanting something better. I thought something was wrong with me to feel that way.
Loss Created Depression
I had experienced deep depression when my father died. Not feeling good enough or belonging with the rest of my family didn’t really help my self-esteem either. Coming to America and experiencing more challenges in life offered the beginning of a new journey for me. It shook my being but awakened new awareness and consciousness within me.
I found myself and my self-worth and discovered my power. I learned I was good enough. I was beautiful enough. I was smart enough. I learned I was born to know more and question more in life.
As I learned more about myself and discovered my gifts and abilities, I began to incorporate my skills and knowledge in helping my patients. I realized why I wanted to be a doctor or a teacher when I was a child. I wanted to help people to heal from their physical, emotional, and limited thoughts and beliefs that were blocking the flow of abundance in their lives.
My Soul Was Awakening
Being a doctor is about health and healing. It’s about saving lives. Being a teacher is to educate people. I knew I had found the answer. I discovered that my desire to be a doctor or a teacher was the way my soul and my spirit had spoken to me when I was a little girl.
With all my negative self- talk about my self- worth, my spirit still remembered who I truly was!
I yearned to know more, to learn more, so I could help people. I didn’t want to be quiet and let others suffer any longer. If it was possible for me to heal from the terror of the past, there was hope for everyone else as well. I found a different perspective on life in general.
Suffering was Deep
I had suffered with an autoimmune disease and been sick all my life. It started when I had pneumonia when I was an infant, and I suffered from frequent sinus infections growing up. I had my first cortisone injections in my knees when I was only fourteen years old. I faced stomach ulcers and bleeding at times. I had to have radiation for my enlarged thyroid gland when I was in my early thirties. And of course, depression, anxiety, and insomnia, to add to the list. I had attempted suicide several times since I was a teenager.
If it wasn’t for alternative medicine and other healing modalities, I would be on disability and unable to function physically and mentally. But now, I am able to function, to go to work, to work out, to dance, and to live fully and completely. In Part 3, I discuss alternative health care more in-depth, including my hope for our health care system overall.
Part III CLICK HERE